In high school I had a friend who I loved very much. After we graduated, I didn't see him at all. We rarely talked too, though I saw that he kept in touch with other friends. I did feel some type of way about this, but I'm not someone who's going to fight you for your friendship. A couple years later he moved away to New Mexico or Arizona and I figured that his time in my life had come to an end. I occasionally texted him, but the conversations always faded within a couple of messages. It was hard to accept from someone who I loved like a brother, but I figured that that was life and accepted it.
It wasn't until maybe a month ago that things changed. He messaged the discord server announcing that he was moving back to Chicago. 6 years after we graduated from high school, he was going to be back in the city. He's doing very well for himself, he has an apartment in a nice yuppie part of town, is very financially stable, and has a loving girlfriend. He invited the whole server to a house warming party that him and his girlfriend were hosting. They rented out the private room on the top of their apartment complex, which also had a pool, a hot tub, and many types of seating including hammocks and beach chairs. If you or your loved one watches love island, it kinda reminded me of the villa that the show takes place in. The house warming was also going to be catered, which set him back a couple hundred bucks. It was very generous of him, but also maybe a bit much for me to accept. How are you going to accept someone's party invitation, smile in their face, and eat their food all while having an issue with them? I thought about not going, in fact I planned on not going, but to just ghost him felt wrong too.
When I was in high school, I loved him, so ghosting someone like that didn't feel right either. I ended up sending him a message explaining myself, how I was hurt that he had left and not kept in contact, but that it was no one's fault as I hadn't tried as hard as I probably could have to keep in touch either. He said that he understood if I didn't feel comfortable going, but that I never stopped being one of his favorite people and that he hoped to see me there. I felt like shit hearing that. After telling him all this, it felt like there was nothing stopping me from going anymore so I went with my girlfriend. I'm very glad I ended up going. I still felt weird about him paying for everything, and I still didn't love being around the rich white people that were also on the rooftop, but the hang out was important in a few ways. First, a lot of people from high school, who I hadn't seen in years, ended up going. It was nice talking to people I hadn't seen or talked to since graduation, I'm always surprised when people from high school remember me because I don't feel that I was too memorable back then. Secondly, it felt like a very adult hang out, which is rare. A lot of my friends were there with their girlfriends and everyone was just catching up and enjoying the beautiful view from the apartment complex's rooftop. It seemed like a hang out that can only take place with adults, who have more life experience and more to show for it.
Since then, I've hung out with this friend once more. This time was a smaller hang out with myself, him, and his girlfriend. We got to catch up a lot more than we did the day of the party. Things have changed for sure, but I think there is space in my life for him if there is space in his life for me. He still is one of the best guys I know, and we got along almost just as much as we did years ago. I'm optimistic. I think this is a good reminder to have the difficult conversations that you may be avoiding with someone. Things have changed or will change either way, you might as well be honest and see what that gets you.