Just yesterday I was feeling really good about everything. I recently hung out with a group of friends. It was a chill day spent at someone's brother's apartment that was left empty while they were on vacation. We drank while playing Settler's of Catan. I don't play too many board games so it's tough to learn the rules, even more so when you're a little tipsy. I learned them eventually though, and while I did not win, it was fun playing with everyone. There's something in playing a board game with three other people, cramped in a small apartment, that really speaks to me. I think it's the intimacy of a small shared space, the snacks, and the lack of anywhere to be. For a moment in time, four guys came and shared an afternoon playing Settler's of Catan together, which in my mind is really nice. It's a small moment, but those are what life is made up of, no? I look forward to more of those, hopefully in the near future.
For now, I kinda struggle with the idea of the future versus the present. Sometimes I feel like I am always clawing at something that is just out of reach. For example, with guitar: I have been practicing guitar for a couple of months now. I started taking it seriously again in December of 2025. For a couple of months I was practicing daily until I ran into the F Chord. If you know guitar you will know, but if you don't play guitar, the F Chord is the first barre chord that many people learn. You use your pointer finger to barre the strings, and then the middle, index, and pinky finger all form the notes in the chord you're trying to play. It is a common point for people to quit guitar as it can seriously take weeks or even longer to get down well enough to play in songs — which is almost what happened with me. I didn't quit but after a couple of weeks of picking up the guitar and struggling with it, my motivation to play tanked. I'm practicing more consistently and I mostly have it down, but not well enough to play it in a song. I guess all of this is to say that guitar is frustrating right now, because I want it to be a bigger part of my life, but I'm just not there yet. I sit down and practice every day, but I'm still not at that point where I can play my favorite songs and write my own material yet. It's frustrating but I will keep on practicing until that changes.
Something kinda similar is my living situation. I'm looking to move out of my parents' house sometime soon. Initially I thought I'd be looking for a roommate, so I was asking my all my friends if they were thinking of moving out any time soon, but none of them were. I really didn't want to room with a random person, so I put my plans of moving out on the back burner... until I found out that my girlfriend was going to finish her college program a lot faster that I thought she was going to. I thought it was going to take her another year or two, but she's actually going to be finishing her program this summer. After that, she's going to be working and hopefully will be able to move out within a few months. It's very scary to think about moving out, but I know it's something that I really want or maybe even need to do. I want to live by my own rules and find out what type of person I really am without the guiding hand of a parent there. Unfortunately, this can't happen for a couple of months at the very least, probably closer to half a year or more. I feel like I'm at the edge of actually moving out, but more things need to fall into motion before it actually happens. It sucks.
This is getting a little rambly, so I will just end this by saying that I've felt like I'm in this transitionary period for a while now, and I hope it ends soon. All the same, I will try to make the most of it, because I know that we always want to look to the future instead of enjoying the life that we are living in the current moment. I hope all of you reading this are doing well.